I need to stop coming here when I feel uncomfortable. I need to just sit with it. be in pain. not trying and run from it, try turn it to words, feel like I'm sharing something, I just need to let it run it's course.. ironic.. I don't want to stop typing. nothing is enough. I can't escape it. it's still here but at least I'm focused on the words and writing. well. idk what else to say so I guess I'm going to go back to it now. I wish I had someone to share this with. support me. I want to support them too but right now I need someone. but I shouldn't need. I can deal with it. I just need to stop writing and feel it.