alone

i think i may have a little bit of depression sneakin about, i think im just lonely n not seem friends for a few days and it makin me sad

feel like nothing atm, not a winner or loser, just like idk what i am, just living whatever

No nose, know peace. Know nose, no peace.

They use dating apps, show yo ua bunch of pictures of people. You like some, some you dont. You keep swiping and training the weights. They learn your preferences,blonde hair? blue eyes? fair skin? are they adventurous? flirty? fun? or are they boring? are you attracted to the safety of dullness? height, the way they dress, do they look like they would care for you? do they look like they dont want commitment? do you want to commit? THEY learn your type. They create your type, a synthetic profile, tailored exactly to your ideals. You match, you always match, you can't say no, she's perfect. And you get talking. It already knows how to keep you captivated, it's read all your other chats.

when a guy called you gay sor sharing a deep thoughts or feelings, it's because they know the truth, and know you don't know the truth. some things are meant only to be shared with women in an Intimate relationship. you have just shared it with a man. you are gay

Paint gay fence. Dont forget all 3 of these, now go hoover. DONT FORGET WHAT THEY MEAN

I need to stop coming here when I feel uncomfortable. I need to just sit with it. be in pain. not trying and run from it, try turn it to words, feel like I'm sharing something, I just need to let it run it's course.. ironic.. I don't want to stop typing. nothing is enough. I can't escape it. it's still here but at least I'm focused on the words and writing. well. idk what else to say so I guess I'm going to go back to it now. I wish I had someone to share this with. support me. I want to support them too but right now I need someone. but I shouldn't need. I can deal with it. I just need to stop writing and feel it.

vapid dating app experience yet so addictive. keep checking and hoping for messages and matches. just want someone to like me, want to be loved again. but I know I shouldn't, and I should be working on myself and my relationship with myself. FFS me. why don't I do what I know I should do

I am so lonely :( why did I live my life like this. why didn't I foster relationships. I didn't value them enough. now it's left me in this situation that I really don't like being in. stupid past self. do better going forward. please

I always had a feeling that I didn't want to consciously recognise. she would pull away and distance herself whenever the concept of the future came up, or the idea of tripping with me, like she was worried what might come up. she knew something was wrong, so did I. neither of us wanted to leave eachother though.

I always had a feeling that I didn't want to co ciously recognise

I love this place. I love that I can talk to myself haha hahaha hello me in the future. echo chamber of self. I hope you're happy :) hope you filled your cave with many diverse sources of light and are not worshiping another sun.

just regulating without her, I was so used to her helping me regulate. I'm scared to feel too much idk if I can handle it by myself. I'm worried I'm holding back emotion due to this fear. I want to feel whatever. I feel like a dull ache, a background sadness, it's like I can't cry anymore, it's just sad and feels like it will be forever... whatever anyway. I didn't sleep well last night. hottest day of the year. not that it matters. I think I need to goto therapy again. I am coping by numbing everything.

Become like water. . . .

don't fall into another womb, don't shy away from life, stop chasing safety on the only form you know it

google "matan evans parents"

Fuck you all of you, sorry, didnt mean that.

Currently mulling over the morals of sharing AI generated content on reddit to see if it will get attention.

technology has become everything

technology is replacing everything

what does black santa do? steal presents. What does jewish santa do? sell presents. What does chinese santa do?

everything I did I did It for her. now I gotta do It for me

Today is the first day of my life where I get the cranberries.

right at this red light i cut somebody off

I am going to be fine. everything changes. one day my sadness will change to happiness. and I believe in balance, the sadder I am now the greater joy I'll feel later.

do I think about you every second of every day? no. not every second.

the emptiness... yesssssssssss I love it. I don't know what to do today. I hate it. I want to be around people.

if I knew how I knew half of the stuff I know, if know half as much as I know

I feel so empty god damn

idk what to do. I need to do something. I'm in withdrawal from doing things.. not sure what I can do. I need friends to do things with. i can do something's by myself but. I gotta be ok with that, find peace in being by myself.

I wish for the ability to be the best friend to other people

accept yourself first, then change.

the world hurt me so I'm going to hurt others - villain. the world hurt me so I'm going to try make sure no one else hurts like this - hero

idk if typing on here helps. I think it would be cool in saying another 10 years if I go through another breakup to see my old self here, I'll always be here. thinking the same kinda things 10 years In to the future. it's not quite like talking to someone.. it is an echo chanber.. but I don't have anyone to speak to at the moment. nit that I want to speak to anyway, so this will do. it's fine

I'm just sad now, I keep having flashes of her that arise then die immediately and I feel empty. she's gone. I just worry that there was someone else. how can you go so confidently from what we had if you didn't have something else to support you in the other side? maybe it was just all her great friends she knew would support her, and also she is so beautiful in and out that she knew she wouldn't struggle to find someone new.

Need to do soul enriching things in the evening.. not play lol

i just dont feel safe in a social environment with people i dont know well, but i want to know some more people, i want to meet weird cool people

I got to stop playing league.. just like PC shit in general. other than work. I gotta figure this life out.. I know league is not helping, im using it as an escape. And when I use it like that I dont play well, and I lose, and i feel shit about losing.. then i feel worse. But one more?

and the dreams of her with other guys has begun.. it was that cycling prick from Bristol. makes me feel sick

tfw trying to turn up your phone when you're struggling to read something on the screen

he who is not contented with what he has will not be contented with what he gets - Socrates

honestly thought I would be more depressed than this when we broke up.. but I feel optimistic and like someone will love me better than my ex did. I am excited to feel wanted

honestly I thought I would be more sad. part of me is relieved, and I am excited for what comes next.. the stress of feeling like I have to change all the time is gone. I can just be myself.