just regulating without her, I was so used to her helping me regulate. I'm scared to feel too much idk if I can handle it by myself. I'm worried I'm holding back emotion due to this fear. I want to feel whatever. I feel like a dull ache, a background sadness, it's like I can't cry anymore, it's just sad and feels like it will be forever... whatever anyway. I didn't sleep well last night. hottest day of the year. not that it matters. I think I need to goto therapy again. I am coping by numbing everything.