Fuck off I hate it. I am never going there again. I knew it would feel shit. It felt shit and I felt worse afterwards for going. I'm not liked, I'm boring, people don't know me and I'm incapable. I can't talk to people. Fuck that shit. I know my limits. I just didn't want to let her down again. Maybe now she'll see ita not worth it.. idk. Fuck sake. I told her. I knew it was going to end up like that. It was never just going to be a quiet meal just the two of us. What the fuck was she thinking. So stupid. I feel awful. Socialising is hard and not fun and painful and I hate myself. I don't wanna feel like this about myself. Either I get better at it or I stay away from it. Life is hard. I can't do this.