feelinblue

spark of hope as she says she doesn't want to leave me, and that we will work it out. ill cling to anything

I feel sad. worried. like a depression era is coming in. I'm mainly afraid of the loneliness, and the struggle of friendship.. why am I like this

im picking her up from a bug party at 130am even though I'm pretty sure she wants to leave me. why do I cuck myself

would be nice to date someone with a concept of time

I don't know anymore. maybe I do want a different life. idk if I should keep fighting for this one. it's true that in the chaos I found hope and experiences a different beauty, even if it was interwoven with pain, at least it was mine, and I had more vitality and it could only get better. I feel so conflicted

I am worried about us, I'm so tired of talking about only us. What's my obsession. I need more to my life, maybe this is an opportunity to grow and find out who I am. be more independent. have some fun. stop clinging, maybe we're just not compatible. part of me does want to dance and drink and chat but also a bigger part wants to chill and be intimate with a small number of people. I don't know, I know I love you and am so afraid of living without you.

she got no time for me when I need her, she stressed this, we both are. we spiral

it's like aw avoid talking about what we know we should discuss because we're scared of the outcome

idk if I can do this anymore

I wish me and my gf wanted the same things from life and we didn't have to breakup. she's living the perfect life she is so free and confident and knows what she wants and manifests everything she wants Into existence. she has so many friends and a vibrant infinite social life. idk if I even want that, is that wrong? is there something wrong with me

28 will be my year of cringe. taking a drama class. singing, putting myself out there, trying everything

I feel stressed as hell dude. work is stressy n i keep losing at league. did get emmy3 tho. new rule, don't play when stressed as it's tilting to lose

we almost broke up today, things do not feel good between us right now. she wants me to change so much. and I am not sure I can change while we're together, it feels too safe with her and I don't want to ruin things or embarrass myself while we're together. when we broke up there was a period where I was very depressed but at least I was making efforts to improve myself and put myself out there. I can see myself taking spiritual path with more growth if we separate. but maybe I can do it while we're together it's just harder to imagine

idk it feels like our futures so uncertain and we want to go different paths. she's going with confidence and I'm just afraid to live. I just want to feel calm and happy and chill, but I'm not sure if the light and love of my life will want to be with me much longer